This Week...



Monday, December 14- Scarf
       Last winter I wore scarves like it was my job. Everything I wore I made sure I had a scarf for and basically lived in them for most of winter last year. This year however I have yet to put one on. I don't really have a full answer to why but I do know that recently I have been struggling to have things around my neck. Certain shirts, scarves, and the way things hit my neck bothers me and freaks me out. It seems like an odd situation to most people but I really have just struggled with it. Some of these 'odd' symptoms come from anxiety and my overactive worrying mind. I hope soon I will be back to wearing scarves because honestly I love them and how they look.

Tuesday, December 15- Book
      I am looking forward to reading a book over my break titled "Furiously Happy" by Jenny Lawson. It looks to be a great book and I have heard from others around me it is a good read. The book focuses on being happy even through mental illness, struggles, and life changing events. It focuses on working through each even in life and learning to laugh at the unexpected. I look forward to reading this book, applying my own understanding of this way of life, and learning so many things along the way. When I read books and talk with people who have experienced depression and anxiety I find a deeper connection. They may have experienced it differently and we all have our own journey but there is understanding that is found in knowing they have experienced the many struggles that come with anxiety and depression. I look forward to reading this book and I am sure I will have more to report after I have read.


Wednesday, December 16- Furry Friend
     In just 2 short days I will arrive home for a month long break. I am looking forward to this break more then ever this year. Student teaching has been great and to be honest I've loved 98% of it. I have loved working with the kids and enjoying their excitement and wonder each morning but I am ready to spend some much needed time with my family and focusing on my own personal needs. Everything about what I have done for the last 16 weeks has revolved around the classrooms I have been in. I can be out having dinner with friends and see something that immediately sends me into a thought process of using something in a lesson or a new idea to help a kiddo out who might be struggling. Any level of relaxation over the last 16 weeks really hasn't existed. Even when I am sleeping I am planning for the up coming excitement with my class friends. So in 2 short days I get to come home and find some level of relaxation. One of my the biggest helps in my relaxing is my furry puppy Rocky. No matter what mood I'm in or what is going on in my life my puppy cuddles with me and shows me unconditional love. I am looking forward to my puppy curling up with me in bed each night snuggling as close as he can and just relaxing. I seriously think that Rocky has the intelligence to realize when I am anxiety ridden or experiencing a spot of depression because on those days he seems to snuggle a little closer, love a little more, and protect me always. I love my fur ball and can't wait to see him in just 2 short days.

Thursday, December 17- Angel
      Yesterday I had one of those uplifting days that helps me out of ruts that I may be in. Recently I have been feeling down on myself, anxiety ridden, and filled with moments of depression. Yesterday I had an amazing day with my 2nd graders who continue to amaze me each day. They fill me with joy and laughter. They have such curiosity and excitement to continue to learn. They ask questions you or I would probably be scared to ask and they are still simply themselves, societies touch hasn't set in yet. Then I met up with my roommate and best friend to do some Christmas shopping and go to dinner. Her and I became friends our freshmen year at LVC and have been on a roller coaster together ever since. We have had some amazingly fun memories and some moments that were very difficult and at times threatened our friendship. This was the first time in many months that we had been able to go out, have fun, relax and just enjoy each others company without the more serious things sneaking in. I am going to be honest with you, I cried out of happiness after I realized how nice it was just to relax and have fun again together because truly that's what our friendship had been all about before. After returning from a great night of shopping and dinner we had roommate Christmas with our other two roommates to exchange gifts and just enjoy each other for a little bit before we all left on winter break. I wrote this under the word angel because I feel that all of the people that impacted my day and helped me to get out of my rut were angels that day to help me find peace again.

Friday, December 18- Silver and Gold
    Today I left my 23 second graders after 8 weeks with them. These kids had such excitement, imagination, and creativity each moment I got to work with them. I have spent so much time with these kids over the last 8 weeks that it seems weird to me that on Monday morning I won't be there to greet them and hear all about their weekends. It was a bitter sweet exit from Hershey Elementary on Friday afternoon. As I drove away tears fell from my eyes for 2 reasons. Of course first and foremost because of the students and staff that I was leaving behind but my second reason being, I made it. Almost 5 years ago I couldn't see a future for myself and I couldn't imagine that I would complete 3.5 years of college and student teaching. I was overwhelmed with joy, sadness, excitement, and love.

Saturday, December 19- Light
       Today my mom and I went out shopping. We went to the mall. Normally when I go to the mall, especially at Christmas there are so many people and crazy crowds that shortly after being there I feel to overwhelmed to continue and swiftly leave to escape the craziness. This time however I didn't feel that way. I was focused on myself and continued to check in with myself to regulate the anxieties that often take over in crowded situations. I was able to do that shopping that needed and actually enjoy it. I enjoyed shopping with my mom for gifts for those we love as well as a few things for ourselves. It was so nice to be able to enjoy it and enjoy the time with my mom with out having an anxiety attack or feeling to overwhelmed to continue. While this is a highly exciting thing for me I am also reminded that this may not be something to stays simple. There still are times that could be difficult for me. I can't entirely let my guard down and have to remember to continue to check in with myself and work on recognizing early signs that anxiety is creeping in. It is a reminder to remain balanced.

Sunday, December 20- Christmas is... 


  • Spending time with loved ones
  • Beauty
  • hope
  • excitement
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • celebration 
  • Love
  • reflective 

     

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