Stay. Find What You Were Made For.

 

      September is suicide prevention month. A month that is near and dear to me for so many reasons. I have been on both sides of suicide. I have been on the side of being left behind and on the side of feeling my life was no longer worth living. Every year as September rolls around I find myself reflecting and rebuilding. Reflecting on the experiences that have so deeply impacting me and formed who I am and rebuilding into the person I can be; the person I was made to me. Each year a variety of organizations supporting suicide awareness, depression, anxiety, addiction, and mental health put out campaigns to provide awareness and recovery. Each year I look forward to reading the inspiring message these organizations share and the responses of those who are willing to share of themselves and their experiences with mental health. This year I have gravitated towards To Write Love on Her Arms message. The message to Stay. Find what you were made for. A message that catches my eye because I have gone through this process over the last six and half years and continue to find what I am made for. This message brings about positive thinking and self confidence. A message that each and every one of us are made for something wonderful. That each and every one of us has a purpose here in this sometimes deeply challenging world. Since this campaign was first announced a few months ago I have been thinking about why I stayed and what I have been made for. A journey that has led me to great realization and self discovery. It is not often that I reflect upon my reasons for staying or what I have been made for.I have been collecting my thoughts in a notebook at moments throughout my daily life. This has awakened a mindfulness to each action I take and each thought I have throughout my day. I have decided I would share some of these thoughts and self discovering moments. Moments that have enlightened me beyond words. I have found my self laughing, crying, smiling, screaming, and feeling each and every one of the moments intensely but with such beauty. We as a society have preconceived notions and judgments on emotions and often do not let ourselves fully feel. We brush things under the rug and move on in fear or busyness of what many of our emotions mean. Allowing myself to feel has been messy but this beautiful mess that has allowed me to connect deeper with myself. I have gotten to know myself in a way I haven't ever known in the last weeks. Below are some of these thoughts and self discovering moments.


I have been made for reasons beyond my comprehension. I have been made to make an impact. Made to share of myself, my thoughts, my experiences, and my imagination. I have been made to inspire, create, share, explore, bond, and experience all that life brings.

I have been made to be a daughter.
I have been made to be a granddaughter.
I have been made to be a  friend.
I have been made to teach.
I have been made to share of myself.
I have been made to experience life.
I have been made to see sunrises and sunsets.
I have been made to travel.
I have been made to listen.
I have been made to respect.
I have been made to create.
I have been made to imagine.
I have been made to inspire.
I have been made to create.
I have been made to bond.
I have been made to explore.
I have been made to hug.
I have been made to laugh.
I have been made to cry.
I have been made to love.
I have been made to impact the world around me.
I have been made to persevere .
I have been made to share my story.

I have stayed because there are so many reasons I have been made for so many things. I have stayed because even in the midst of pain I can't explain, there were people who loved me, who supported me, and listened. I stayed because I was reminded in the most hopeless moments that hope would once again shine through the darkness. I stayed because I had a support system that so many people crave for. I stayed because I wanted to be myself through the cloud of depression. I stayed because I was made to persevere and share my story. I stayed because I had a dream of teaching. I stayed because I knew the pain of loss. I stayed because I was made to live this life fully.


Below are some pictures I have taken the last few months as I thought about the reasons I have stayed.

I was made for teaching and learning with creative and imaginative children every day. 

I was made for friendships that make you laugh, love life and support one another. 

I was made to be a part of my beautiful family and explore the world and all its beauty. 

Now that I have shared many reasons of what I was made for I ask you to think about what you are made for. Start a conversation, show love and kindness to everyone you meet, you never know the battle that the person next to you is going through. Life can be challenging yet beautiful. Depression is a part of so many peoples lives and can cripple a person when you least expect it. Be kind. Listen. Forgive. Show love. You could be the light in someones darkness. You can make the difference.