Finding Joy!

             

          The month of December is always filled with wonder, excitement, stress, and for me a cup full of anxiety and depression. I can truly say that for the last 5 or so years I have not enjoyed the holiday season. Actually if I am being completely honest I have hated every moment of the holidays. The holidays are often times hard for people but society has this way of shoving the sadness people face during this time of year behind the fake joy of shopping, snow, and the perfect family Christmas tree. If we are all being honest here I can bet most of you would agree with me that shopping this time of year is awful and filled with stress of making sure you buy for everyone on the list, have enough money to support all of the purchasing you are doing, and navigating the crowds that we face at virtually every store we walk into. All of these things true signs of the materialistic society we live in. And lets be honest while I love the wonder and beauty of snow, we all actually despise 90% of it because of cleaning off cars, driveways, and just the hassle of it getting in the way of the plans we had. As a society we have such a focus on a specific picture of what the holidays are suppose to look like. Once again if we are being honest I can guess most of you don't have the perfect Christmas or Thanksgiving as portrayed by media and the society we live in. 
          So now that everyone probably thinks I absolutely can not stand Christmas and Thanksgiving I am going to tell you I at one time loved the holidays and my entire year was based on these 2 months of the year being filled with excitement, family, and joy but after my breakdown I found it difficult to enjoy them. I was overwhelmed, sad, and most times within these two months wanted to avoid thinking about the holidays at all costs. It was to much for me to process. The thought of having so many things to do, having to put a smile on my face for family and friends at parties and hide a piece of myself that not many people knew about was super difficult.  I really struggled to put the smile on, pretend I was loving every moment of the holidays, and keep myself from spiraling into an even more difficult emotional place.
          This year however, will be different. Why the sudden change some may ask, well in the past 365 days my entire life has changed. I a year ago would never have told you I would enjoy the holidays, that I would have laid everything out to the world, that I would be loving life in a new way, or that my depression was one of the greatest gifts I have been given. Once again why you may be questioning why the thought that my depression was the greatest gift I was given, well really its simple. I have learned to love life, to let go, to smile, to cry, to laugh, and to cry some more. I have learned to be who I really am, never to be ashamed, never to hide what is really going on but rather to share with the world that guess what life is hard, and my life never is perfect, and never will be but damn if I'm not going to try my best to make it my form of 'perfect'. So this year I am smiling, crying, laughing, and loving life through the holidays, refusing to give into societies picture of what the holidays 'should' look like. I am enjoying the simplicities of the people and amazing things around me. I am going to love myself even on the days when I feel like going to the next holiday event may be the hardest thing I am going to do that day. I am going to love each moment for what it is, good, bad or indifferent without the judgment of what it 'should' have been like. The only picture there is of my holidays this year are the pictures that I take in my head as I live in that moment. 
           I have decided that I am going to share some of those pictures I take with you. Each day through the month of December I am going to use the word or words of the day listed below to post a picture and a brief update on my holiday season. I am going to share with you the simplicity and joy I find in the moments that happen throughout my day as I prepare for Christmas. I look forward to savoring each moment and loving life through my lens, not the filter society often fogs cameras up with. 

December Challenge 
  1. Comfort in a mug
  2. Black and White
  3. Traditions 
  4. Sweets
  5. Jingle 
  6. Festive
  7. Something Red
  8. Sparkle 
  9. Comfy 
  10. Comfort Food 
  11. Gift
  12. Twinkle
  13. Shine
  14. Scarf
  15. Book
  16. Furry Friends
  17. Angel
  18. Silver and Gold
  19. Light 
  20. Christmas is...
  21. Door
  22. Make a List 
  23. Star
  24. Twas the night...
  25. Family
  26. Mess
  27. Something New 
  28. Looking Up
  29. Frosty
  30. Boots
  31. 2015
I hope you find the simple things in your life this December and find time to savor the moments of joy and love.


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