Breathing Hope!

      During the craziness of the holiday season I often have found myself challenged to stay healthy. I currently am in a place where I need a healthy dose of alone time to be able to function with other people. I need time for myself, time where I can reflect, refocus, and recenter myself without the input or influence of others. The holidays brings about a time with many social gatherings, shopping, preparations and a fast pace moment by moment. I over the 6 years since my 'enlightenment' have found the holidays to be an over sensitizing and overwhelming time. Often times facing much anxiety when socializing and having panic attack after panic attack while out shopping. My biggest nightmares all wrapped into a few weeks. The social anxiety and feelings of loneliness, hopelessness and a deep sadness would come over me weeks before the holidays would actually begin. Having a parent that is ill often brings about emotions, questions, and panic. I always have gone rig...

      This week has been extremely difficult for me. I have faced many stresses, added challenges, and personal moments. I have had one of those weeks where it seems that the dust never settles because there is just to much to be done. I however was challenged this week to see through the dust even as it was settling.        I began practicing yoga back in October after a co-worker invited me. At first I was extremely apprehensive about it. After leaving the softball scene six years ago I had a really hard time getting back into physical activity. The emotional wounds that are connected with softball and the physical injuries that still at times plague my ability to do as I want were holding me back. I had a fear of challenging myself physically again. I had a fear of challenging myself and failing. I also had the fear of having to face how my body has changed over those six years and learning to love myself no matter what. I decided to go becaus...

                   I have been absent for a rather large amount of time again here on my blog. I have on numerous occasions over the last few weeks started drafts, finished drafts, deleted drafts and open to blank screens to start writing but I just wasn't feeling the energy that I so often do when I post something. Many times before I post I feel something in me urging me to post whatever I have written but over the last few weeks that urge has been missing and the desire I once had to share so much of myself in hopes of helping just one person better understand or feel less alone in the journey of depression, anxiety or any mental illness. But here I am writing again tonight, and there is a fire again to share my story, my journey, and the many bumps in the road that some days still come up.          Once again it fall back to my friends. Once again they have ignited the flame for me to be a better person ...

Day 1  – Write “I Love Me” somewhere, anywhere. On your skin, on your notebook, on your wall, in your journal, on a bathroom stall, in skywriting. For day 1 I decided to write this in my teaching planners so every day as I open it to begin my day I will see this and be reminded to love myself fully. Day 2  – Practice self care in the form of pampering. Not all self care is decadent, but today it will be! Take a bubble bath, give yourself a pedicure, or get a massage! For day 2 I spent most of my day at School in my classroom preparing for the upcoming beginning of school. As I was leaving  school I decided to stop at a Panera to indulge in a cinnamon roll and green tea. I love Panera cinnamon rolls and decided it was a little piece of love for myself after 8 hours in my classroom. I loved every moment of that cinnamon roll and tea. Day 3  – Make a list of things you’re grateful for having in your life. Think of things you’re l...

                          Self-care practices are the bread and butter of living a beautiful life for those of us facing depression and anxiety symptoms or even for those of us who aren’t. I know for me it is so important to take those times for myself to do something that relaxes me and allows me to reboot. I often have struggled to find this time and to be honest this summer has been a prime example of my struggle to do so. As I have been sharing for probably the last 6 months my life is in a huge state of change. I graduated, now have a big girl job, have moved, have watched friends move, and have started an entirely new stage of life.             As I have started preparing my classroom I have dove in headfirst. Eager and excited to begin and make it my own. Spending countless hours hanging bulletin boards, poster, curtain...

              Today I am writing as a celebration of self love and self acceptance. 5 years ago I made the choice to start loving myself fully for who I was, am, and will become. I choose to love myself fully and start fresh after many years of struggling to find ways to love myself. On this day 5 years ago I decided to take a journey that I knew was going to be hard but I knew in the end was the best choice for me. I choose to stop harming myself physically, emotionally, and mentally. The last 5 years have not always been easy and at times it has felt like I was starting all over again. I am so thankful that I had the courage and strength that day and everyday since to make a positive decision towards recovering from this all consuming illness. While I still have scars to remind me of the pain I was trying to cover I am reminded each time I see them that healing is possible and recovery is an option.         Tonight as I pre...

          It has taken me nearly a month to process everything that has changed in my life and honestly I still haven't processed it all. Leading up to my graduation from LVC I had been sharing about the many things coming in my life; exciting things that were going to change the person that I am, have been, and will become. I have learned that evolving as a person through life's many shifts, turns, and jolts is really what living is all about; exploring, making mistakes, learning, growing, and finding the core of who you are. Through my time exploring and venturing to figure this life changing perception of life out I have learned to live, love, and grow in ways I never imagined. I have hit many bumps a long the way but the one thing I have found is my happiness depends on no one else but me.            As I celebrate a beautiful ending to one chapter of life I find myself embarking on new adventures filled with so many goo...

       This weekend was Valley Fest here at LVC. Valley Fest is a weekend filled with musical performances, food, vendors, activities, and a spring festival type atmosphere. I over my four years here have always loved Valley Fest. There is something about a spring festival after the winter months that enlivens me and helps me to feel like spring has finally arrived. This year was no different in that regard but vastly different in others.      I have always been somewhat cautious in the way I live. Taking the safe route, planning, re-planning, and researching before making any decisions or life choices. Especially after my 'enlightenment' 5 years ago I have planned and prepared for everything, partly due to the fear of public anxiety attacks or panic and the struggle I have trusting myself and those around me. I always had to have a planned exit and routine so when things became overwhelming and difficult for me I could leave the situation or de...

        As I shared almost a month ago with all of you my life is rather busy and to some degree in a surge of chaos between making it through my last 24 days of under grad, graduating, job searching, moving, among many other obligations and life changing events that will occur over the next 4 or so months. I have been stressing a lot about all of the 'things' I need to accomplish in the next few months and trying to come up with a plan 'a' through 'z' for each event/moment. All of this planning along with trying to live my daily life has been causing a lot of anxiety and stress that honestly is self created by allowing my head to jump ahead months in advance while all I really need to worry about is the current. Taking each step moment by moment.        Over the last two months or so one of my best friends and I have been talking a lot about all of these life changing events we will be going through in the next 4 months, some together and s...

Ahh... a moment to relax and write. Since I last wrote over a month ago a lot is changing in my already ever changing life. There is so much to update on that I decided I would explore a lot of the things that have happened in the last month through the pictures I have taken and the moments I have experienced. In the next 4 months I will be graduating from Lebanon Valley, moving, watching one of my best friends move across the country, hopefully getting a job, and starting my own classroom in August. A lot is happening but in the grand scheme of things they are all amazing opportunity to grow and experience life in new ways. Lebanon Valley College began its 150th year celebration  on Founder's day at the end of February. To celebrate they had cupcakes and other goodies that displayed the 150th logo. In under 6 weeks I will be graduating in the 150th year of this amazing colleges existence. As I have shared many times before I have grown greatly in my time here and will foreve...