Breathing Hope!

I support world semicolon day because I am one of the 15 million who struggle with a panic disorder and one of the 100 million who live with depression. I support world semicolon day because the semicolon project gave and continues to give me hope for all of us who struggle. Project semicolon's many social media outlets have allowed me to see and share the experiences that come with depression and anxiety. It reminds me that none of us who fall into this group of millions of people are alone, even in the darkest moments.  The first time I wore a semicolon was 3 years ago when I shared my story for the first time. I received a bracelet from a dear friend right before I publicly shared my experience for the first time in person. I still wear the bracelet often and it is a constant reminder that I am strong and I will make it through what ever depression and panic attacks can throw at me. For so many years I have endured intense panic attacks that are often triggered by envi...

       Another snow day meant spring cleaning for me. Today was originally a day I would have had off but with all the snow days from February and March we were suppose to make up one of the days missed today, but that isn't what happened. Instead I spent my day scrubbing floors, counters, vacuuming, and readjusting item in my home. The winter decorations went away and bright spring flowers and colors were put in their place.      Spring is always a time of rejoicing for me. As you've heard me say a thousand times over winter is extremely challenging for me and I often feel my mood deeply impacted by the dreariness winter can bring. Spring however brings a smile to my face. Sunshine streaming through the windows, breezes flowing through the house, color beginning to reappear outside, and warmth hitting my skin as I walk out the door. Spring is a regenerating for me. It allows me to recenter myself by being outside and taking in the beauty of the ...

   Being stuck in an airport is no fun for anyone, especially when its late and you know you have to be at work the next day. It all is just an inconvenience when plans are 'messed up' or changed. This was my case last night. Stuck in an airport in Dallas for much longer then I had suspected I would be, but there was a reason I was stuck.       This past weekend I travel to Texas to see my best friend from college in her 'new' home. I was super excited to see her and experience some of her town which she had moved to back in August. I was looking forward to us doing our normal 'best friend things' for a few days and getting a chance to relax and recharge. My trip was fantastic and we did just that, relaxed, recharged, and caught up with one another.      The one quality I love about my best friend is her honesty, although I don't always like to hear what she has to say, it always gives me something to think about and decide what I'm going t...

           We headed back to school on January 2nd and since then have only spent 5 whole days in school. Every other day we have either had a 2 hour delay, early dismissal, or no school at all. While at times the breaks can be refreshing and much needed I also find them to be challenging after awhile. Outside of the realm of educational challenges that come with this odd schedule and never ending changes, especially in a special education classroom, I also find over relaxing to be a problem too. For me these days in the beginning were great. I had a chance to catch up on school work I could bring home and work on. I could catch up on house work and projects that I have been saving for spring break or summer. But after awhile these breaks become anti-productive for me. I find myself falling into the trap of thinking 'oh tomorrow' and sleeping the day away on the couch or binge watching a new show on netflix. So this morning when the call came at 5:30 that...

          2017 has been a year of many ups, downs, and many in between. With the way my 2016 ended and my 2017 started I felt as though there would be no good in the year ahead. All I could see and feel is darkness and lose, but that is not how my year truly was. As I sit and reflect as I do at this time each year I realize what could have been a very dark and painful year had some beautiful pieces to it. I choose to shine lights on those shiny moments of the year.           Last night I began the process of truly looking within the depths of my soul about this year and one of the ways I always find myself reflecting, debriefing, and growing is by looking at quotes, sayings, and places where I have found support through my journey with anxiety and depression. As I was looking through last night I found this:             Over the year I have found myself broken many times as we all have fo...

        September is suicide prevention month. A month that is near and dear to me for so many reasons. I have been on both sides of suicide. I have been on the side of being left behind and on the side of feeling my life was no longer worth living. Every year as September rolls around I find myself reflecting and rebuilding. Reflecting on the experiences that have so deeply impacting me and formed who I am and rebuilding into the person I can be; the person I was made to me. Each year a variety of organizations supporting suicide awareness, depression, anxiety, addiction, and mental health put out campaigns to provide awareness and recovery. Each year I look forward to reading the inspiring message these organizations share and the responses of those who are willing to share of themselves and their experiences with mental health. This year I have gravitated towards To Write Love on Her Arms message. The message to Stay. Find what you were made for. A message...

     Comfortably uncomfortable is the only way I can explain my last few weeks. I have found myself in this whirl of feeling every emotion in the book all at once and man is it overwhelming. For so many months I have blocked myself from feeling. I have numbed myself with work, activities, and anything possible in attempts to not feel, to block, and hopefully over pass whatever was coming on my emotional rollercoaster. Through all of the blocking and manipulating of my emotions I knew that I was not going to get away with overpassing the overwhelming wave of emotions hitting me from the many events that have taken place in my life in the last year.         A little over a year ago both of my grandfathers were sitting on either side of me as we celebrated my graduation in my parents new home. I was job searching, unsure of where I was going to end up teaching and if I was going to have a classroom of my own fresh out of college. I was on an emotion...