Delayed Flight

   Being stuck in an airport is no fun for anyone, especially when its late and you know you have to be at work the next day. It all is just an inconvenience when plans are 'messed up' or changed. This was my case last night. Stuck in an airport in Dallas for much longer then I had suspected I would be, but there was a reason I was stuck.
      This past weekend I travel to Texas to see my best friend from college in her 'new' home. I was super excited to see her and experience some of her town which she had moved to back in August. I was looking forward to us doing our normal 'best friend things' for a few days and getting a chance to relax and recharge. My trip was fantastic and we did just that, relaxed, recharged, and caught up with one another.
     The one quality I love about my best friend is her honesty, although I don't always like to hear what she has to say, it always gives me something to think about and decide what I'm going to do with it. As she can tell you many times I throw it to the wayside and pretend like I didn't hear it, other times I take it and run with it.
     I shared with her that I have been struggling to  get out of the house sometimes, have extra stress at work, and have been overall feeling a lot of anxiety about things I haven't felt this way about in a long time. I shared with her my lack of practicing yoga and meditating like I once was. I shared with her that honestly my motivation isn't there and I don't have time for all of it with my busy schedule (me making excuses of course). As we were talking it was obvious we were going down the same road of conversation we have been a thousand times before, I fear change and putting myself out there when it comes to my personal life. We have had this conversation so many times over our six years of friendship, and normally I follow the lead of trying new things and forcing myself to get out there even when I don't feel like it for a few months and then slowly filter back to the old habits. She once again encouraged me to try new things and take the time to take care of myself, because really the missing piece is self care, with that the rest comes more naturally. She encouraged me to get back to practicing yoga and meditating as I had seen great results from taking this time for myself before.
    A few short hours later we went to church together and well, God had plans for me there too. As the sermon evolved the main message began speaking to me about the things we had spoken about the night before. The message spoke of being okay with change, of being okay with pushing ourselves outside of our comfortability, of taking that leap of faith, and putting yourself out there to share the joy and love God has given to each of us. As the sermon continued I just turned and looked at my friend in amazement. Now not only was my friend trying to get across to me it is time for me to lay down all my fears and time for change it my life, but so was God!
      The next day as my flight delayed and my plans were changed on my way home I at first found myself upset and frazzled, but within a short period of time I once again was calm. Calm as if it really wasn't that big of a deal. Calm because I knew I had no control over the situation besides how I was going to react to it. I sat down at my gate with hours to wait and realized this was my first challenge of how I was going to handle giving up control and embracing last minute change. I also realized this was a chance for me to do some self care. So I bought myself a coffee, and just sat and watched people for a little while and then got to doing some work and other things while I waited. While I waited I began thinking of ways I could practice self care daily again which I have done so many times before. So I pulled out my journal and just started writing whatever came to mind, by the time I got on the plane I had filled multiple pages and felt a couple ounces lighter. There was a reason for the delay. It all fell into a plan. A plan of seeing what I was going to do when I had no control, when I had to take care of myself and calm myself down, and when I had to listen, because lets be honest listening sometimes can be the hardest thing of all.
    Today as I walked back into my classroom after a few days away and only a few hours of sleep last night I once again found joy. Something I've been missing this last month or so. I found joy in my students, I found joy in my teaching, and I found joy in the small giggles and talkative moments that a few short days ago I would have found disruptive. When I got home this afternoon I had a new burst of energy. I took time to read and write. I practiced yoga at home and meditated for a few minutes to get started again. I found myself connected. By no means is everything back together and by no means have I taken all of the steps I need to yet to get myself back on track but it is a start and I need to start somewhere.
      It is amazing how God works in our lives and I feel as though all the events that fell into this weekend were a sign that its time for me to take charge and truly take care of myself daily. I can't forget about myself in all the messiness that life can bring and I can't let anxieties take over my every move. It is time for me to listen, to practice, and to be mindful of how I let anxiety into my life. Now the real work begins as I set out to embrace change and spend time for myself to be healthy and connected once again.