Breathing Hope!

         I'm confused and you know what that's okay. I don't need to have it all figured out and I don't need to have it all together because lets be honest who really does have it all together. I find myself at a cross roads; a crossroads that could change the very path my life is on and divert me in a completely opposite direction of how I've planned it to be. I'm oddly okay with that which is probably the most mind blowing part for me. I'm okay with the diversions. I'm okay with the uncomfortable because something is oddly comfortable about the uncomfortable for me right now.      This past summer I was beyond blessed to have the opportunity to work with an amazing team of people in writing and organizing a week of  Christian peace education at my church. A week that was filled with so much love, unity, and community. Ever since that week my life has been changed forever. That week made me suddenly become aware of my need to learn mor...

                        Today is National Suicide Prevention day. A cause so near and dear to me. I have experienced suicide from a variety of angles and perspectives as the one to be left behind and as one who can no longer feel or see the light. Each year at this time of year many of the suicide prevention and mental health awareness organizations publish their campaigns for the year. I always enjoy looking into to each of them and connect to stories, self care strategies, and new ways to raise awareness. This year one of the awareness campaign slogans is Be the 1 to save a life and it focuses on what we can do to help those who are struggling with a variety of mental health concerns or are thinking of suicide. I was particularly drawn to this because I had an army of people around me who were the ones to save a life almost 8 years ago.        8 years ago when I struggled deeply with depression an...

I support world semicolon day because I am one of the 15 million who struggle with a panic disorder and one of the 100 million who live with depression. I support world semicolon day because the semicolon project gave and continues to give me hope for all of us who struggle. Project semicolon's many social media outlets have allowed me to see and share the experiences that come with depression and anxiety. It reminds me that none of us who fall into this group of millions of people are alone, even in the darkest moments.  The first time I wore a semicolon was 3 years ago when I shared my story for the first time. I received a bracelet from a dear friend right before I publicly shared my experience for the first time in person. I still wear the bracelet often and it is a constant reminder that I am strong and I will make it through what ever depression and panic attacks can throw at me. For so many years I have endured intense panic attacks that are often triggered by envi...

       Another snow day meant spring cleaning for me. Today was originally a day I would have had off but with all the snow days from February and March we were suppose to make up one of the days missed today, but that isn't what happened. Instead I spent my day scrubbing floors, counters, vacuuming, and readjusting item in my home. The winter decorations went away and bright spring flowers and colors were put in their place.      Spring is always a time of rejoicing for me. As you've heard me say a thousand times over winter is extremely challenging for me and I often feel my mood deeply impacted by the dreariness winter can bring. Spring however brings a smile to my face. Sunshine streaming through the windows, breezes flowing through the house, color beginning to reappear outside, and warmth hitting my skin as I walk out the door. Spring is a regenerating for me. It allows me to recenter myself by being outside and taking in the beauty of the ...

   Being stuck in an airport is no fun for anyone, especially when its late and you know you have to be at work the next day. It all is just an inconvenience when plans are 'messed up' or changed. This was my case last night. Stuck in an airport in Dallas for much longer then I had suspected I would be, but there was a reason I was stuck.       This past weekend I travel to Texas to see my best friend from college in her 'new' home. I was super excited to see her and experience some of her town which she had moved to back in August. I was looking forward to us doing our normal 'best friend things' for a few days and getting a chance to relax and recharge. My trip was fantastic and we did just that, relaxed, recharged, and caught up with one another.      The one quality I love about my best friend is her honesty, although I don't always like to hear what she has to say, it always gives me something to think about and decide what I'm going t...

           We headed back to school on January 2nd and since then have only spent 5 whole days in school. Every other day we have either had a 2 hour delay, early dismissal, or no school at all. While at times the breaks can be refreshing and much needed I also find them to be challenging after awhile. Outside of the realm of educational challenges that come with this odd schedule and never ending changes, especially in a special education classroom, I also find over relaxing to be a problem too. For me these days in the beginning were great. I had a chance to catch up on school work I could bring home and work on. I could catch up on house work and projects that I have been saving for spring break or summer. But after awhile these breaks become anti-productive for me. I find myself falling into the trap of thinking 'oh tomorrow' and sleeping the day away on the couch or binge watching a new show on netflix. So this morning when the call came at 5:30 that...