Uncomfortably Waiting and Patient Reflection

   
     I'm confused and you know what that's okay. I don't need to have it all figured out and I don't need to have it all together because lets be honest who really does have it all together. I find myself at a cross roads; a crossroads that could change the very path my life is on and divert me in a completely opposite direction of how I've planned it to be. I'm oddly okay with that which is probably the most mind blowing part for me. I'm okay with the diversions. I'm okay with the uncomfortable because something is oddly comfortable about the uncomfortable for me right now.
     This past summer I was beyond blessed to have the opportunity to work with an amazing team of people in writing and organizing a week of  Christian peace education at my church. A week that was filled with so much love, unity, and community. Ever since that week my life has been changed forever. That week made me suddenly become aware of my need to learn more about peacemaking and non-violent action. I suddenly became aware of a fire within me to share and learn together with others about ways in which we can be peacemakers. I became aware that God may have different plans for me in my life than I originally thought and that my life may be heading down a whole different path on a road that I honestly don't feel equip for in most moments. Teaching kids about peace has opened up a whole different part of me that I didn't know was there. A part of me that can be wildly creative and child like. This part of me doesn't allow the judgments of others to interfere with my passion of teaching and learning.
       I was introduced to peacemaking when a peacemaker and advocate for social justice named Jim McGinnis came to my church for a weekend to explore peacemaking with teens and adults in my faith community. I was not yet a teen I was still in elementary school but I remember Jim doing an evening program exploring peace. It sparked something in me. I attended workshops as a child and then as a teen in a program called T.A.P. (Teens Acting for Peace). The program was built in a way that teens taught younger children ways of peace through a variety of activities and exercises.  I was exposed to these creative ways of exploring peace building and reflecting on peacemakers past and present. As a teen I taught younger students at workshops, peace camps, and peace making outreach programs. I was touched by a variety of peacemakers in my own faith community who helped to mold me and my understandings of peace building. They allowed me to explore and guided me and our team to explore peace in a variety of ways and through many mediums such as art, music, role-play, games, food, and reflection.   I stepped away when I went to college but found myself using the very lessons and skills I had been taught as a young teen in my classroom as I student taught. It was like peace building was always in the back of my mind without me even being fully aware of it. It was a part of me and everything I did inside and outside of the classroom.
       A little over a year ago I decided it was time for the peacemaking to be less of my subconscious and part of my everyday mindfulness. As anyone who knows me can tell you it became part of my every breath. Creating a team of people between the faith community I am a part of and others we were able to educate 65 children in our area about peacemaking, and not only did we educate 65 kids we as 40 adults learned with them. It was a learning community of about 100 people that had the opportunity to share in peacemaking together, learning from one another, connecting, and sharing of each others experiences. My life felt so full that week it may have exploded at bit, but everything felt wonderfully right. The lack of comfort with something so new to our entire team wasn't scary but life-giving.
    A few months have gone by since our week learning together but I find myself even more empowered as time goes by to learn and share more. I am empowered by an amazing team of kids and adults who taught me so much and poured their heart and soul into learning and growing together and I can't wait to do it all over again; even when it feels uncomfortable and at times a bit scary to jump out of that box.
     As I sit here writing this I have no idea where my life is going to head in terms of peace building but I know there is more and I know I am called to continue teaching and learning but I don't know where or how yet. And that is okay because I know in the right moment I will know exactly what I am to do and where I am lead. Needless to say the lack of knowing is often uncomfortable. It often is scary not knowing where life is headed. Knowing that my 'plans' are being changed and challenged is also a bit scary but I must trust that my life will go exactly as planned, just not planned by me. Being uncomfortable can be beautiful in a way a few months ago I would have told you there was no way I would be okay with, but here I am, uncomfortably waiting.