Safe Haven

   
       All of us have something or somewhere that is our safe haven when life seems to be giving us more then we can handle. Over the years I have had many different safe havens between people, things, and places. Safe havens allow us to express whatever we need to get off our chest in a way that works best for us. For some that may be talking it out while others may find sitting in silence and keeping to themselves to be the best option. I have used many different options in the past but one of the most used strategies I have used is talking it out to someone. While this is at times a great strategy I have also found it to sometimes be a difficult strategy to use. Talking to someone else requires them to sit and 'listen' to you and often times that comes with a response of their emotions, opinions and ideas about the situation which in turn influences your reactions and decisions to the events or emotions. Of course sometimes another opinion is exactly what you want and feel you need while other times it is the last thing you want to hear. It can be a double edge sword.
       Over the last week of so I have fallen back in love with one of the strategies I used during the early stages of my journey, playing flute. Playing allows me to express myself through music without the response of anyone and their opinions. The music helps me to fall into a separate universe where I can feel each emotion as I play and forget about the pain I sometimes feel. I can focus all of my attention into each note and passage rather than focusing my attention on the negatives going on in my life and then somehow coming up with the worst case for the situation and causing more anxiety. Each time after I play I find myself in a better mood filled with a sense of rejuvenation and refreshing vibes. Its amazing how an hour or so with my flute and music can really make such a difference.
       In the past year or so I had lost my connection with playing flute and my emotions. I found playing frustrating, unmotivated, and wanted to pull my hair our while practicing. It would almost send me into a deeper spiral of depression. I then became more frustrated because I had such negative emotions connected to a large piece of me and who I was. I didn't know what to do and consulted many of my teachers over the years, other musicians, and friends about my sudden change of heart about playing. Their answers were all different about the many reasons I may be feeling this way. Many of them reassured me this feeling towards playing would change and for a long while I have questioned that but today I no longer question it. They were right it did come back, it just took a heck of a long time.
       This week as I practiced each day I found fire again. An excitement to learn and revisit pieces on my shelf. I have found peace while playing again. I can express myself through the notes again.  I can walk out of a practice room feeling refreshed and ready to take on the world even if I find passages I am playing difficult. I've traded in frustration for determination and sadness for joy. Each time I play I can feel the passion returning and the excitement of doing something I love so much return. It has become a safe haven filled with possibility to grow mentally, spiritually and emotionally.
     Finding a safe haven sometimes takes some searching. It is a trial and error process from time to time but finding that place that allows you to fully be you and express each emotion you feel good or bad is one of the most refreshing moments in life. Find your safe haven where ever it may be or whatever it may be. Allow yourself space to take time for you in a safe haven of your choice.


Have a wonderful weekend!