Cheers! A Year of Learning

                       

         

          2015 was a great year when I look at it as a whole. This past year I have grown so much and learned so much about myself. I have found myself in this whirlwind of finding happiness and overcoming challenges that life presents me in a positive, happy way. I in previous years struggled greatly to do this. I found it difficult and always reverted to those habits that had been formed over the former 21 years of my life, but 2015 forced me to love myself more, pay attention to what I needed, and spend time getting to know me. That might sound crazy but I feel we often forget the part about getting to know ourselves. We focus on meeting other people and getting to know them but never spend the alone time and reflection needed to find out who we are and meet ourselves. I started 2015 out in a rough place last year. I was having a difficult time loving myself and even found myself skipping meals and hitting the gym more then was most likely healthy. As I worked through finding love for myself and taking care of my body in a healthy way I was also put in a place were I started evaluating what else I needed to find out about myself. As I started 'meeting' myself in those quiet times I  started having I began to process what happened in my past. I faced fears and concerns that I had hidden for so long and closed my eyes to. It was easier not to face them but through my rough start to 2015 I had to start facing them to become a healthy person. When I started evaluating the real emotions inside of me and facing the many concerns I had I started to accept my story and the journey I am taking. I started to share with people. Instead of being ashamed of the things that had happened in my past I started to gain confidence in sharing, after all I am the person I am today because of these experiences, good and bad. 

        This year for the first time I shared my story with my people. I shared what had happened and the 'lie' I've been living publicly for five years. I had put on the mask, made myself look okay and hid behind this fake facade of who I was. Now however I can live authentically. I don't need to put the mask on anymore. I can be proud of who I am. As I shared my story this year on a few different occasions I found peace in myself and peace with the journey I have been on and continue to be on. The first time I shared the basics of what I had experienced was at my recital in May. I had somewhat of a plan going into it that I was going to share pieces of my story. After all the entire program had been decided upon based on the theme of Contrasts which for me had the symbolic power of the contrasts in my life from the fake smile I put on to the deep depression I faced behind closed doors for many years and at times still struggle with now. I had only told my best friend and a few other people involved in the recital that I was doing this at all. When I got to the point in the program where I shared I cried like a baby. I got through it and shared the basic portions of what had happened but nothing detailed. A week later I shared on my blog for the first time having written it all out. A few months later I had the chance to share with my church family and after that I shared with a group of parents, students, community members, and educators at one of my former middle schools. Each time became easier and I gained acceptance through my sharing. I once again was surrounded by a huge support system of friends, family, and at times even strangers. 

          When 2015 started I had no idea what was going to come of it. When I started sharing my story 6 short months ago I never expected it to take the path it did. I never expected to share my story with so many people or have the opportunity to share with people who also face the same experiences. I am so grateful for what 2015 brought into my life and I look so forward to what 2016 has in store. Below I have written a few goals I have for myself this year.  I already know 2016 is filled with amazing new adventures and experiences. I am so excited to see where life takes me. Happy New Year everyone! 

In 2016 I am going to... 

Push myself beyond my comfort zone and do something that scares me a little bit each day. 

Spend 60 minutes each morning before my day begins focusing on myself and preparing for the day. 

Love myself through positive self talk and self care for my physical, mental, social, and emotional health.