Breathing Hope!

           All of us have something or somewhere that is our safe haven when life seems to be giving us more then we can handle. Over the years I have had many different safe havens between people, things, and places. Safe havens allow us to express whatever we need to get off our chest in a way that works best for us. For some that may be talking it out while others may find sitting in silence and keeping to themselves to be the best option. I have used many different options in the past but one of the most used strategies I have used is talking it out to someone. While this is at times a great strategy I have also found it to sometimes be a difficult strategy to use. Talking to someone else requires them to sit and 'listen' to you and often times that comes with a response of their emotions, opinions and ideas about the situation which in turn influences your reactions and decisions to the events or emotions. Of course sometimes another opinion is exa...

                I've spent a lot of time reflecting over the last many years but today something was different. Today for most of the day with the exception of about 45 minutes when I went to lunch I didn't really talk to anyone. I spent most of my day quietly doing my own thing either in my room or in a practice room of the music building. For the first time in probably my entire life I felt completely at peace and content with the silence around me and what I previously would have classified as loneliness. Instead of classifying it as loneliness today I found it to be enjoyable, reflective and so needed. Ever since starting student teaching back in August I haven't really slowed down. My life has always been going thousands of miles a minute between teaching, studying for certification tests, the holidays, making sure I finish everything at home before I head back to school, and just the general busyness of life.        ...

    Over the last few weeks I haven't been feeling fully happy and joyous. There is always a whirlwind of things going on in my life between my struggles with anxiety and depression to coping and processing having an ill parent. I have many moments were I cry, seem distant and unaware of things going on around me. This weekend I spent some time alone with both of my roommates, both of which know many of the struggles I face and the emotions that run deep through me. As I was talking to my best friend yesterday about out friendship something was said that struck me. After we both had said our piece and I had shared with her many of the emotions and feelings I have about having a father who is sick she replied with something like, that explains a lot about how you have been reacting lately. She has been one of the most supportive people through college and this journey of having a sick parent but as we said yesterday to each other until you experience it yourself you will never...

                                            2015 was a great year when I look at it as a whole. This past year I have grown so much and learned so much about myself. I have found myself in this whirlwind of finding happiness and overcoming challenges that life presents me in a positive, happy way. I in previous years struggled greatly to do this. I found it difficult and always reverted to those habits that had been formed over the former 21 years of my life, but 2015 forced me to love myself more, pay attention to what I needed, and spend time getting to know me. That might sound crazy but I feel we often forget the part about getting to know ourselves. We focus on meeting other people and getting to know them but never spend the alone time and reflection needed to find out who we are and meet ourselves. I started 2015 out in a rough place last year. I was having a diff...