Count Your Blessings

Lately I have been deeply struggling with many issues in my life including the fact that my family is affected by Alpha-1! Its hard for me to accept at moments that this is my life now. A life I can not plan out or control and A life that is completely unpredictable. Each moment seems to bring a new challenge and often becomes more stressful. I have had a very hard time letting go of control and still haven't let go! I find myself wanting to plan every moment out as though it will turn out that way then when something doesn't go as "planned" I get disappointed and upset. Dealing with this has been a huge struggle for me and at this point in my life has been one of the most painful and dark periods I have ever experienced. I'm struggling to find out who I am in all this and what path I am suppose to be going on. Through out my life I have been deeply influenced by others and haven't always made decisions because I wanted to do something but because I felt I needed to prove something to someone else. I need to learn that my life should not be about pleasing others all the time but pleasing myself and God. My life needs to be more focused on the positives then the negatives. I tend to always focus on the negative end of things and not the positive things that are happening in my life. Through all this pain I have been going through the people that are there for me have saved my life in so many ways. My friends have done everything to help me, I feel like I am hurting them and pulling them down through all this and I feel guilty for putting extra stresses on them but when I apologize to them they all just tell me they want me to feel better and they want to help me to feel better. I have the greatest friends anyone could ask for. They are there for me at every hour of the night and are walking through this with me step by step and helping me to become the person I really am. My parents have also been a great support, there are moments when I feel like they don't realize how upset I am but I have realized in the last day or so that they do care and do understand and do want to help me through this. I have people surrounding me that are willing to do anything for me and this horrible dark period in my life is showing me who the real people are that care about me and love me. One of my friends moms text me today and told me to write a list out of all my blessings and all the things that made me upset. When I wrote the list out of all my blessings I realized I had so much to be thankful for and so much to live for! My life is filled with blessings and positive things. I have so much to be thankful for. I have the most amazing family and friends and people surrounding me, I have a warm house with an abundance of food, and I have the opportunity to do anything I want to do in life. I have so much to be thankful for it just took me some time to realize. Now I need to focus on finding happiness in my life and positivity no matter what the situation. I need to Count my Blessings!

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