Learning How to Celebrate
At moments over the last few weeks it has been hard to see the many happenings in my life in any positive light but slowly as I work through the sadness, longing, and exhaustion I am coming to see the lose of my grandfathers as a beautiful blessing. My process of grieving once again taking its own shape. I have been extremely private and on many occasions cold to others. I have had many moments of tears and an overwhelming amount of anxiety. On the night before I was to return to teaching and the students I love so dearly I found myself anxiety ridden and unable to find my center. I had my mind completely out of sorts and couldn't find my breath so I text a friend who reassured me that I would be able to returning to school not only because I was capable of working through this but also because of the support system I have from my colleagues and administration. She reminded me that one of the biggest things for me to do was let go of the fear. You may ask why at a time like this fear was part of the conversation but my anxiety was driven not so much by the grief but by the fear I had of showing my emotions to others around me. My wall and guardedness to crying in front of others and showing them that indeed I am grieving was in full force. I was reminded not to be an "ice queen" something I have been fantastic at being for many years now. I am learning, sometimes slowly through my life journey that showing my emotions is okay. It is part of being authentically me. This brings me to my grandfathers both of whom lived their lives authentically.
Last time I shared about my grandfather on my fathers side. Today I am going to share about my grandfather on my mothers side. Pop Pop C was one of those people that loved life! He loved living and experiencing life to the fullest. He lived to be 97 years old which is a feat in itself. At 90 years old I remember my grandfather still tending to a full garden with corn, flowers, and many other vegetables. My grandfather was still riding roller coasters at 90 years old when we would go on our annual Hershey park trip as a family. My grandfather visited Mickey Mouse in Walt Disney World at least 50 times in his life. He loved electronics and sharing his love for how things worked with others. I remember as a young child during our annual trip to Hershey Park watching Pop-Pop at the bumper cars. He had no idea my parents and I were watching but that's partly because he was intent on what he was doing. We watched him stare at the bumper cars as he was trying to figure something out about how it worked. When the ride would stop and they would exchange riders he would run to the other side of the ride to get a different view of the ride to further help him figure out whatever he was looking at. This running back and forth between rides continued for a long while as he attempted to figure out some electronic piece to the ride, what it was I will never know but I will always laugh and smile at the image of him running from side to side. My grandfather also carried his love for electronics into family events such as Christmas eve. For my childhood we had Christmas eve at Pop-Pop and Grammy C's with the whole family after attending church. Exchanging gifts, eating, and sharing in the holiday spirit. Pop-Pop always had his big video camera running recording the whole event, asking questions of the grandchildren, observing the excitement as each of us unwrapped the gifts we wanted so badly. As I think back on watching these videos I can sense Pop-Pop's joy even though you can not see him on the camera because most times he was behind it. You can sense the joy by the way he talks, films, and shares of himself. He brought so much joy into our lives and even though for the last few years it has been difficult for him to hear and participate in the ways he did when I was younger his presents brought his joyful and positive energy. At his funeral my 9 other cousins and I decided to take pictures, we often aren't all in the same place at once anymore with so many of us living in different places and living busy lives so it was a great opportunity. We had taken a picture of all of us almost 20 years ago that has hung in Pop-Pop and Grammy C's house ever since. So we recreated the picture for Grammy to have and one for Pop-Pop. As we took a few nice pictures we knew we had to do a "Pop-Pop" picture, which for anyone who knew Pop-Pop it all makes sense. All of us stuck out tongues out and filled the room with laughter, you never would have known we just had had a funeral but that was Pop-Pop, always celebrating life, having fun, and living each moment to the fullest. Love you Pop-Pop and I know you are celebrating in only a way you knew how.
Last time I shared about my grandfather on my fathers side. Today I am going to share about my grandfather on my mothers side. Pop Pop C was one of those people that loved life! He loved living and experiencing life to the fullest. He lived to be 97 years old which is a feat in itself. At 90 years old I remember my grandfather still tending to a full garden with corn, flowers, and many other vegetables. My grandfather was still riding roller coasters at 90 years old when we would go on our annual Hershey park trip as a family. My grandfather visited Mickey Mouse in Walt Disney World at least 50 times in his life. He loved electronics and sharing his love for how things worked with others. I remember as a young child during our annual trip to Hershey Park watching Pop-Pop at the bumper cars. He had no idea my parents and I were watching but that's partly because he was intent on what he was doing. We watched him stare at the bumper cars as he was trying to figure something out about how it worked. When the ride would stop and they would exchange riders he would run to the other side of the ride to get a different view of the ride to further help him figure out whatever he was looking at. This running back and forth between rides continued for a long while as he attempted to figure out some electronic piece to the ride, what it was I will never know but I will always laugh and smile at the image of him running from side to side. My grandfather also carried his love for electronics into family events such as Christmas eve. For my childhood we had Christmas eve at Pop-Pop and Grammy C's with the whole family after attending church. Exchanging gifts, eating, and sharing in the holiday spirit. Pop-Pop always had his big video camera running recording the whole event, asking questions of the grandchildren, observing the excitement as each of us unwrapped the gifts we wanted so badly. As I think back on watching these videos I can sense Pop-Pop's joy even though you can not see him on the camera because most times he was behind it. You can sense the joy by the way he talks, films, and shares of himself. He brought so much joy into our lives and even though for the last few years it has been difficult for him to hear and participate in the ways he did when I was younger his presents brought his joyful and positive energy. At his funeral my 9 other cousins and I decided to take pictures, we often aren't all in the same place at once anymore with so many of us living in different places and living busy lives so it was a great opportunity. We had taken a picture of all of us almost 20 years ago that has hung in Pop-Pop and Grammy C's house ever since. So we recreated the picture for Grammy to have and one for Pop-Pop. As we took a few nice pictures we knew we had to do a "Pop-Pop" picture, which for anyone who knew Pop-Pop it all makes sense. All of us stuck out tongues out and filled the room with laughter, you never would have known we just had had a funeral but that was Pop-Pop, always celebrating life, having fun, and living each moment to the fullest. Love you Pop-Pop and I know you are celebrating in only a way you knew how.
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